This post is about setting boundaries.
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You’ve considered setting boundaries and perhaps even attempted without success. Setting boundaries with work, partners, family, and friends is complex, uncomfortable, and essential to your well-being. Without limits, you open yourself up to burnout, resentment, and toxic relationships. So, how do you maintain your relationships while protecting your mental, physical, and emotional limits? These top practices for setting boundaries will provide actionable guidelines for setting limits in any relationship.
“In order to thrive and be successful, you have to be able to set boundaries.” ~Oprah Winfrey
SETTING BOUNDARIES: THE TOP PRACTICES
WHAT ARE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Healthy boundaries exist when there are rules and limits that each person in the relationship respects. For a boundary to be considered healthy, a person must clearly communicate their wants and needs, be firm in their delivery, and consistently apply that boundary.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO SET BOUNDARIES?
Boundaries can be physical, mental, emotional, financial, or time-related and differ for everyone. You set personal boundaries by identifying a personal limit and then clearly communicating that boundary. Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab provides an in-depth exploration into setting healthy boundaries and what that means, explained by a licensed counselor and sought-after relationship expert.
HOW DO YOU SET BOUNDARIES IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Setting a boundary in any relationship has four main components. First, identify the boundary that you need to set. Next, simplify the boundary so that it’s easily understood. Then, clearly communicate the boundary. Last, be consistent in holding the boundary.
The following are additional guidelines to consider when approaching a boundary conversation depending on the type of relationship.
Setting Boundaries at Work
Setting boundaries at work can be challenging but can also make you more productive at work and at home. The key to setting limits at work is to handle these discussions and communications professionally. Consider establishing a set end time daily if you're starting a new job.
If you've allowed work to intrude on your personal life, it may be time to talk with your manager or HR about the need for a better balance. Communicate your dedication to your work while expressing your desire for a more transparent working arrangement that allows personal time outside the office. Such an arrangement can improve your mental well-being and make you more effective at work. Most HR departments and managers will appreciate your professional approach and clear communication of your boundaries. If your request is not well received, it might be worth considering if the job still fits you.
(RELATED POST: The Perfectionist’s Guide to Work Life Balance)
Setting Boundaries with Partners
When setting boundaries with your partner, it's essential to handle the conversation with care. Since you likely spend significant time with your partner and have a close relationship with them, it's crucial to approach the discussion tactfully. To begin, mutually agree on a convenient time for both of you to discuss. This will allow you to have each other's full attention without distractions. It's advisable to put away mobile phones and any other electronic devices and arrange for the care of children or pets to avoid interruptions.
During the conversation, remain calm and composed. Avoid pointing fingers or placing blame on one another. It's helpful to express your thoughts and feelings openly while also being attentive to your partner's perspective. If you and your partner cannot agree or if the discussion becomes emotionally charged, it's okay to take a break from the conversation. Taking time to cool off and reflect can provide fresh perspectives and an opportunity to approach the conversation with a clearer mindset later.
Setting Boundaries with Family
Navigating the situation with care and consideration is essential when setting boundaries with family members. Given the personal nature of family relationships, these conversations can be emotionally charged. As you embark on this process, prioritize maintaining a respectful and empathetic tone. Clearly communicate your limits, keeping your statements simple and unambiguous. Throughout the discussion, focus on remaining composed and logical. If tensions rise and the conversation becomes defensive, don't hesitate to take breaks to regroup and approach the discussion with a clear mind.
Setting Boundaries with Friends
Maintaining friendships requires careful navigation of boundaries and communication. Friendships can be fragile, so handling discussions about boundaries with sensitivity is essential. When initiating these conversations, it's crucial to be direct and kind, refraining from using sarcasm or making jokes that could be misunderstood. Additionally, it's best to avoid gossip and instead communicate your concerns respectfully and politely.
Setting Boundaries with Kids
It's essential to keep things clear, simple, and consistent when interacting with children. Try to set limits with a kind and firm tone. As kids develop and grow, reminding them of acceptable behavior is crucial. It's also important to help children become more independent by anticipating their needs and being a good role model. By introducing children to setting boundaries early, you are teaching them how to communicate their limits and how to respect the boundaries of others as they grow into adults.
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Setting Boundaries with Narcissists
Setting boundaries with narcissists can be the most difficult. It's essential to prepare for the conversation ahead of time so that you are not caught off guard. When sharing a boundary with a narcissist, don’t overshare, over-explain, or defend yourself, as it can be used against you later. Try to remain neutral and leave emotion out of it, as narcissists do not feel empathy. Lastly, know when to end the conversation if the conversation is turned against you or if the narcissist uses manipulation tactics. Then, consider if you need to maintain the relationship, and if so, seek the help of a therapist.
HOW CAN I PRACTICE SETTING BOUNDARIES?
Communicating and setting boundaries in relationships is challenging for many reasons. It's crucial to prepare and practice before attempting to set one. Failure to prepare will lead to failure to set a boundary successfully. Practice both what you will say and how you will say it. Avoid “you” statements and instead use “I” statements, as this will help to limit any defensiveness. If things get heated or you disagree, end the conversation and try again later. Remember, in all conversations, you should be kind and firm and keep the explanation simple. The Set Boundaries Workbook is recommended as a step-by-step interactive and in-depth resource filled with explanations, journal prompts, and interactive exercises that will provide invaluable practice.
(RELATED POST: Empower Yourself: How to Build Confidence and Self Esteem)
Setting and maintaining boundaries in relationships is crucial to your well-being. Establish physical, mental, emotional, or financial limits and be firm and consistent in supporting them. Follow the four main components of setting a boundary and incorporate the specific tips based on the type of relationship to take actionable steps in setting and maintaining boundaries and supporting your well-being.
MINDSET | ACTION:
What first relationship comes to mind when you think about setting boundaries? Practice by planning out the conversation beforehand. What is your goal of the conversation, or what boundary is being set? What will you say, and how will you say it? Remember to be clear and firm, and end the conversation if it gets unproductive.
This post was about setting boundaries.
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